Life grinds on.

It really does. Well unless you blow the clutch in your truck engine and then your life comes to a spinning going nowhere fast on the side of the road halt.

I sat there contemplating the fact that I'd pulled over to let the kids out for school, heard a distressing clunk from underneath my clutch pedal somewhere - that it was going to be one of -those- days.

I often catch myself wondering if there is just something special about me. That I have so many of -those- days in particular. One of my best friend's nickname for me is the 'tornado'. While it does make me laugh, the idea that I am actively an agent of chaos sometimes isn't so fun.

I do admit, I'm not a careful planner. I've been known to say 'fuck it' and dive off the deep end just to see what happens. A trait that causes my new husband's already shady ticker to tick just that much faster. I can't help it. I've came to the conclusion a long time ago, it's just who I am.

I don't actively look for things to go wrong, or even go out of my way to have them go wrong. I like peace and quiet and life running smoothly just as much as the next person. So I tell myself. But do I?

I'm tempted to wonder if I create my own chaos just because of my personality. I want to live life, not worry about it. I've been known to laugh when something breaks, and shrug and say, 'oh well.. fuck it."
I went through a fair number of years in a relationship that sucked eggs and sucked all the joy out of me in the same time frame. I don't ever want to be that way again.
So somewhere in the last few years I guess I may have made a concious decision to let the chips fall where they may, and just enjoy whatever the hell life throws under my wheels, whether the clutch is working or not.

Have a happy friday!!