If anyone is like me, the biggest challenge and stress in divorcing a spouse is the fall-out that is dealt with by our children. My ex-husband and I separated when our boys were 10 and 6. We filed for divorce when they were 12 and 8. Even with time and many explanations, it's difficult for children to digest and adjust to the fact that mommy and daddy not only don't live together, they have trouble even liking each other.
Toss in the fact that in my particular case, it was not a pleasant divorce. My ex-husbands lawyer was brutal, and I took a beating both emotionally and financially. The stress of that was hard to hide from the boys, but I gave it my best. Children are smart however, and also much more aware of a parent's state of mind then we give them credit for.
Given that certain questions were being asked over and over, I spent some time searching for ways to explain to them that even though their father and I were barely on speaking terms, they were still well loved by both of us, and nothing that had occurred was their fault.
An excellent website that I found for them to peruse was a site about divorce, aimed specifically at children, maintined by kidshealth.org
I found that mainly open communication, a willingness to answer any question asked by either of them as honestly and calmly as I could, was the best solution in the end.
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